Epilogue

Well that was seriously exhausting.

After a fantastic late night dinner with MG and John and 1 more night in a hotel, I woke up early, had an $8 coffee and made my way to the airport.  Meanwhile, Tom and Ari moved her stuff into their new apartment and awaited delivery of new furniture.

What took 6 days one direction took 6 hours on return.

I landed in sunny LA.

And was happy to be home.

It was such an amazing trip, eye-opening in a lot of respects, really fun, and all in all, just very memorable.

I learned a lot about America, such as: 

- It is an exceedingly vast, staggering beautiful country, filled with genuinely nice, giving people. 

- Americans do love their guns and their God.  Lots of churches and at least one billboard that read:  Black Market Automatic Weapons  - Exit Here. 

- It is really struggling economically.  Outside of the cities on either coast and a few pockets of ultra-rich, there is so much that is destitute and decrepit.  One scene sticks with me, of a family with very young children in West Virgina, the man hoisting up his son to the back of his semi's cab, which seemed to also be their home. 

I learned a few things about Tom, such as: 

- He has a weakness for Swedish fish, chocolate and coconut combinations, and Rod Stewart. 

- He is a way better driver than navigator. Unless there are storm clouds, then he's crap at both since he just cranes his head to see if he can spot a tornado. 

- He sees animals and thinks of food. 

And he learned a few things about me, such as: 

- I have a weakness for Red Vines, dark chocolate, and know the words to every Led Zeppelin song. 

- I get grumpy if I'm not fed at least every 4-6 hours, and outlet malls make me feel like this. 

- I see animals and either want to save them or play with them.  I cried a couple silent tears over the 300 or so road kills we saw, and pointed out several/many (too many?) baby horses, cows and pigs.  

There is more to learn and see, and I still have the southern route and the northern route to do!

And now I am somewhat in to this ridiculous blogging, so will continue when I go to Denmark next week.  However, since being ridiculed for using Blogger (the MySpace or AOL of blog sites...what do I know?!), I'll switch over to something more 2014 (sorry Clarisse)...more to come!

Thanks and thanks Tommy...

xx

Day 7 - West Virgina, Maryland, Pennsylania, New Jersey and New York

I have concluded that six days driving a somewhat circuitous route across the States is not enough time.  At least not enough time to avoid feeling like 3000 miles of rough road on the morning of Day 6, which I did. But the view over the DMV and McDonald's inspired me to move onward.
So early morning we hit the road.
The misty mountains were beautiful.

We pulled off in Morgantown WV for some coffee and breakfast, and one more Auto Zone for a different fuse purchase, ending with Tom fixing Clarisse successfully!

We stopped in at the Blue Moose Cafe for some oatmeal, and lo and behold this guy started playing the banjo.  He was actually really good, and I felt like my West Virginia experience was complete.  Tom's was complete when he found a hair in his oatmeal, and we split.

We continued on through Maryland.

And made one integral stop here.

You get to know someone pretty well after 6 days on the road, and today Tom learned that really only 2 things cause me to have nervous breakdowns - flea markets and outlet malls.  I tried to hold it together, and Tom really did get some nice homewares from Restoration Hardware.








I was very happy to move on from this and on through Pennsylvania.









And then we found all the people.  They're in New Jersey.

And New York. Where we arrived just in time for rush hour. 

And Tom dropped me in midtown so I could make it in time to meet my dear friend MG to see Cabaret.  I bid him and Clarisse adieu, and made it to the theatre, which was a strange and wonderful end to a very long drive.  

Day 6 - Part 2 - Kentucky and West Virgina

Clarisse lives!!
Turns out we blew a fuse by drawing too much power. Ok, true, I may have been charging my computer and MiFi in addition to the 2 phones and a GPS - basically, we fried Clarisse's delicate constitution.  Sorry grey lady.
Fuse replaced, music on, we were back in business.
Way behind in the day, we decided it would be criminal not to go by Churchill Downs and see the Kentucky Derby racetrack.  I think the helmet became some kind of good luck charm.

We arrived 5 minutes before it closed, so there were no museum tours and for construction/liability reasons we could not get on the track.  Tom pulled the "I came all the way from Australia" card, and it turned out I grew up near the tour guide, so voila! - we had a private after-hours tour.

Thanks Olivia!!

With a major storm brewing and tornado warning in effect, we headed out once more.
Outside of Lexington, the fuse blew again (I swear I plugged in nothing), but Tom knew the part now, and it was an easy replacement.  Maybe I should use the word "allegedly" in that sentence.

Turns out there are about a thousand fuses all over the place, and although he tried several, we had no luck.  Too late to call the garage that fixed it for advice, we pushed out and on.

Driving through Paris, KY.

And then through endless horse ranches.  It was some of the most beautiful country we'd been through. 

But night came quickly and we had hours to go.  "And miles to go before I sleep." 

We made it in to a very dark and foggy West Virginia, and at long last pulled the proverbial plug, not even caring that the only hotel we could find was a Days Inn near the prison in the middle of rural West Virginia.  Are those banjoes I hear?

Day 6 - Part 1 - Illinois, Indiana and Kentucky

Bob and Mandy, our St. Louis friends, were really trying to convince us to the do Anheuser Busch tour before hitting the road in the morning.  As tempting as filling up on local beer before embarking on driving 600 miles was, common sense got the best of us and we decided to forego the tour and head back east.

So early morning, we crossed the Mississippi.

Through Illinois farmland.

And then Indiana, stopping only for some
premium gasoline.

Before too long we made it to Louisville, KY, dropping by Thomas Edison's boyhood home.

And then on to Jack Fry's restaurant for lunch. It used to be a bootlegger haven, and is a Louisville establishment.

Tom had shrimp and grits, which he for some reason seemed to fear a little. 

And I had the best meal of the trip and really the best meal in recent memory.  

Following the 'when in Rome' mentality, we discovered a little Bourbon tasting shop, and tried a flight of local wares.  Paul the owner, was extremely nice - in my experience thus far, I find southerners to be as friendly as midwesterners, and in even less of a hurry.  But the Bourbon was great, so we stocked up and set out once again. 

Clarisse may have gotten upset by our extended Bourbon stop, as when we went to head to Churchill Downs and then out of town, we noticed the cigarette lighter outlet and the radio weren't working.  Pulling into a gas station, she seemed to kind of die. Alternator? No idea. But we made it here. 

 

And waited for the prognosis.  Things seemed to have taken a turn south, and Tom's only comfort was his helmet. 

750 miles outside of New York.

Day 5 - Part 2 - Lots of Missouri, some Kansas and 1 minute of Iowa

While at a gas station in somewhere Nebraska, I chatted briefly to a lovely dude from Kansas City (midwesterners are boundlessly friendly), who said if we were to make one stop on our drive through his city it had to be at Oklahoma Joe's BBQ.

Not one to ignore such a recommendation, especially after learning it was one of 13 places Anthony Bourdain said to eat before you die, we left St. Joseph and went out of the way to a gas station in the suburbs of Kansas City to which the restaurant is attached.  I prepared myself emotionally to eat some brisket, and we rolled in to the joint late in the afternoon, only to find it closed for Memorial Day.
Finding another farm-to-table operation nearby, I had a kale salad, moral compass remaining.  Tom and his morals had a brisket and bacon sandwich (no judgement of course).

We decided to check out downtown Kansas City, which has evidence of life, but no actual humans.

And then went to walk across the Missouri River.  Clarisse had a bit of trouble with this, or maybe Tom did, as when we were parking Tom crunched into the car behind us. "She's a bit larger than I remembered", and we got out to see a cracked fender.

Right after leaving a note on the windshield, a large muscle-bound Russian in an Ed Hardy shirt came out of that building, obviously to decapitate us both.  But he said the crack was already there, smacked Tommy on the back and said don't worry about it.  Spasibo Boris!!

And we walked out to the Missouri.  I've been struck by the number of trains criss-crossing the country. Miles long trains with coal and who-knows-what have been everywhere. 

We got back in the car, back in the rain, and made our way to St. Louis.  More prairie home companions.

And more weird road companions.

And finally, St. Louis!

Our search for food and drink continued.  Wandering around until we were both grumpy, we tried about 6 restaurants and bars, before finally finding the Broadway Oyster Bar.   Naturally they had just stopped serving food, but the fantastic jazz and the cold Budweiser soothed the soul.

Before long the Cardinals game down the road let out, and throngs of fans packed in just as a thunderstorm started rocking the little place.  Tom had 2 beers spilled on him, and we made friends. Thanks Bob and Mandy for the local tips and the fun!

Day 5 - Part 1 - Nebraska and Missouri

Well I never imagined I would long for the salad days of Delta CO's Riverwood RV park.  We left North Platte last night and decided to head as far east as we could stand.  We succumbed in Grand Island, NE, where we landed at the Rodeway Inn, quite late.  Upon checking in we decided we had to get the hell out as soon as possible, but much to our chagrin, just like North Platte, not a single establishment was open, not even the Appleby's near the freeway, which was guaranteed to be open.

So we foraged on almonds, a tangerine and cookies left over in the car, and called it a day.

I woke up to the sun on the North Platte river.

And about 4 minutes after that we were back on the road.
Eastern Nebraska turned out to smell a lot less like methane than the Western side did, and it offered up the same endless, lovely prairie.

We made it to Lincoln, NE and had a delicious farm-to-table breakfast, and soon after stopped in Nebraska City to visit John Brown's cabin and underground railroad.  John Brown was an abolitionist credited as a major cause of the outbreak of the Civil War, as he believed the only way to overthrow slavery was by violent Revolution.  After inciting a slave revolt at Harper's Ferry, he was tried and hanged for treason, but ran an integral part of the railroad movement out of this cabin up until his death.

We also went by this weird desk headstone grave site Tom wanted to visit.  As he said "worked to death".  But the woman buried here was 107 years old, so maybe she just lived to death and had a strange affinity for her writing desk.

Next stop was St. Joseph, MO, where I've wanted to go since I saw Paper Moon forever ago.  It seems that the whole of Nebraska, Kansas and Missouri, have deserted.  Maybe everyone was just coincidentally out of town for the long weekend, or maybe there was a zombie apocalypse we missed, but seriously, these states have just emptied out.  This is the entrance to downtown.

It turns out that while there are no people in St. Joe's, there is a cool Pony Express Museum, a Wild West Museum called the Pattee House, and it's where Jesse James spent his final days until he was shot in the back of the head by Robert Ford.

Our dead outlaw gravestone tour continued with Jesse James' headstone. 

And the house in which he was killed. 

Although we could have spent days in St. Joe's, we ran through the highlights in a couple hours until we were too behind and hungry to ignore, so decided to hit the road again for lunch in Kansas City...

Day 4 - Part 2 - Even More Colorado and Nebraska

Denver! Finally.
It seems I am destined to be eating the Navajo Taco, as the place I picked for lunch today specialized in them. So, another friend donut/taco for me.  They're kind of growing on me, which is probably not the best nutritional addition to my normal fare, but when in Rome.

On our way back to the freeway, we came upon a crappy old amusement park on the side of the road, where they definitely had one of these.  A major storm was brewing, and I was pretty sure the tourists on the decrepit roller coaster would be struck by lightning at any moment.  We stayed to watch for that as long as we could.

Unfulfilled, we moved on and got out from under the weather and made it through Colorado.

And in to the vastly different looking plains of South West Nebraska.

Finally we made it to the planned stop for the night, North Platte, NE.
Now I love decaying Americana more than most, and I had grand hopes that North Platte would be a great waning industrial blue collar town in middle America. It was more or less deserted and in a pretty advanced state of decay.  In such circumstances, I have come to expect at least a good dive bar with cold beer and locals with far more flavor than teeth.  The Alamo Bar seemed to fit the bill and I was excited to arrive.

Except the Alamo had closed some time ago.  And, by 8pm, all the businesses, including bars and restaurants, struggling to stay open had closed for the day.  Tom summed it up with "what a shithole".  So, on we went.  Adios, western Nebraska...